An Open Letter to Kim Jong-Un

Dear Tubby,

I realize that nobody in your inner circle has the balls to be honest with you, so that's why i'm taking the time to write this.

Look, I don't know what your deal is or what you are thinking, but somebody needs to set you straight.

I realize that you and the rest of the bowl-cut wearing fat-asses in your country are paranoid about a U.S. invasion.

But here's the deal: historically, the U.S. has shown no qualms whatsoever about invading a country based on flimsy or spotty reasoning.

Seriously, if we wanted to invade you bad enough, we'd have invented a reason to.

Just ask Iraq.

See, Chuckles, your country doesn't have anything we want. 

So, pipe down, go back to starving your own people and leave the rest of the civilized world alone until you have something interesting to say.

Thanks a bunch!

Friendly Relations

Heading to work the other day when I was greeted by this sign outside of a church:

Well, since you asked, it's working out just fine!

I can focus on being a good person and a productive member of society without having to apologize all the time for being human.