Tragedy Compounded

In times of tragedy, I feel a sense of sympathy for believers.  Primarly because I used to be one.  Before I became an atheist, I remember when tragedies would strike, a part of me always felt a little bit angry.  I would always ask,"Where was God? Why didn't he stop this?"

The radical fundamentalists will often look for some "sin" on the part of the victims, or their relatives, or society at large to blame it on.  Much in the same way that this bozo did.

Many believers are not such ass-hats as this.  But their response was and is very similar to what mine once was. 

I would quickly dismiss the question and focus on finding the heroes: because after a horrific tragedy, especially one involving man's inhumanity to man, you need to reassure yourself that there still exists such a thing as good.  But I also put it out of my mind because my belief system did not permit questioning God, or "His ways" or "His Perfect Will."  We would always say that this was a great tragedy and we just didn't understand God's ways but we knew that when the roll got called up yonder in the sweet by and by, we'd understand and fully appreciate why this horrible thing had to happen. 

Only later did I realize how twisted this idea really was.

And any time one makes an excuse like this for why the all-powerful, all-knowing, ever-present (and above all: loving) deity didn't show up to prevent a tragedy, they are essentially saying is that the tragedy is part of the divine will.

In other words, the deity wanted it to happen so he/she/it could prove some cosmic point.

Noted creationist William Craig Lane put it more bluntly when he justified the slaughter of children by the Israelites:

"God has the right to give and take life as he sees fit." Translation: "my belief system does not permit me (or you) to question God, or 'His ways' or 'His Perfect Will.'"

"The death of these children meant their salvation."  Translation: "the deity wanted it to happen so he/she/it could prove some cosmic point."

And here is where the horrible tragedy gets compounded.

When you see it this way, the deity not only allowed it to happen, but consciously and willfully wanted it to happen.

If the deity consciously and willfully allows a horrible thing to happen because it wants it to happen, the deity is the accessory to the perpetrator.   In a court of law, such actions would be a felony.

When viewed through this prism, it is easy to see how so many people become, as I did, completely disillusioned with theism in general, and christianity in particular. 

It all boiled down to one question that I could never provide a satisfactory answer for:

If you worship a god who apparently wants senseless tragedies to happen despite being able to prevent them, how can you honestly say that your god is good, or loving?

Who I Am.

So let me introduce....me.

I'm 38 years old. I'm a teacher by trade. I like good food, non-fiction books, sports and anything Star Wars-related. 

I've been married for 16 years. I have one child. 

I was a longtime believer.  Not a strong one. But a believer none the less.

I was a regular at church from the time I was 3 until roughly around the 3rd grade.  Just got tired of going.  Occasionally went on Easter and for family functions, but didn't go regularly again until high school.

Quit going regularly around my junior year of college....no reason, just lazy.

Married a girl who was a back-sliding baptist....like me.   Been married ever since.

But here's the thing....up  until 2009, I never once really questioned what I believed and why I believed it.  I was always uncomfortable discussing Jesus and "Gawd" with church folks, and never knew why.  Was it guilt? Maybe I just "knew in my heart" all along that it was all bullshit.

So, back to 2009.  I watched a youtube video that rocked my world.

I began watching more atheist videos.  Mostly old episodes of "the Atheist Experience." It was like a floodgate opened.  I became curious about science and I watched AronRa's  "Foundational Falsehoods of Creationism" series. ThunderFoot's "Why Do People Laugh at Creationists?" I got on Netflix and watched Carl Sagan's "Cosmos." I felt ten years younger.

Unfortunately, there's a down side.

My wife has no idea that I have accepted an atheist point of view.

Quite frankly, i'm afraid of what would happen if I told her.  She comes from a family of fanatics...and has fanatical tendencies herself. 

As a matter of fact, very few of my family and friends know.  Most wouldn't care....as most are as apathetic about faith and religion as I was.  But for some, it could be quite traumatic.  Maybe one day i'll figure out a way to navigate all this.  Until then, I bring myself to the safety and relative anonymity of the internet.  "Just another freak in the freak kingdom."